When the Holidays Hurt: A Reflection on Loneliness, Grief, and Loss

The holiday season often arrives wrapped in lights, music, and well-meaning expectations. For many, though, December intensifies what is already heavy: the empty chair at the table, the silence after a conversation that will not happen again, the ache of a relationship that has changed or ended. Unlike many who take time off for vacation during the holidays, loneliness and grief do not take time off for Christmas. In fact, they often sharpen, intensify, and can become overwhelming. The world says be merry, but the heart whispers: “I can’t, it’s impossible.”

The Scriptures, however, speak honestly about sorrow. They do not dismiss it or rush it. Our Lord Himself wept with his close, intimate friends at the tomb of Lazarus. The Psalms cry out from the depths of their being. And yet, within this lament runs a steady confession: God is not distant from the brokenhearted. He draws near to the crushed in spirit. This is the comfort our Christian faith holds dearly—not a vague spiritual uplift, but the concrete promise that Christ meets us precisely where our wounds are deepest, through His Word and Sacraments, with mercy that does not flicker when the season turns dark.

During the holidays, encouragement may seem out of reach. At times, it may even seem entirely impossible. But the Church has long known small, steady practices that help us lift our eyes to the One who has come, who comes now, and who will come again on the Last Day. Consider three ways you may receive encouragement in these difficult days.

1. Rest in the Promises of Christ, Not the Pressures of the Season

The world’s holiday script is exhausting: be cheerful, be social, be okay. Perhaps you need to hear today: it’s okay not to be okay. This has been a constant theme throughout my proclamation of the Gospel because I have listened to the Lord’s voice many times say to me: “Brian, it’s okay to be hurting. It’s okay to have doubts and questions. It’s okay not to have all the answers in life figured out. It’s simply okay. Yes, even as a pastor, it is okay. You are human too.”

Why is it okay? Because the Gospel frees us from performing emotions we simply do not have to the promises given in Christ Jesus.

The simple truth is this: Christ does not ask you to pretend. Instead, He invites you to rest in His promises—promises anchored in His incarnation, His cross, and His resurrection.

When grief rises, return to the Word, not to the world. Return to the Lord not out of duty, but out of necessity. The One who was born in Bethlehem is the same Lord who says, “Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). This is no seasonal sentiment. It is a divine declaration. God has come into the world to bear what you cannot. The God who has come into this world as a babe in Bethlehem will come again in glory to take you home to be with Himself and all the saints that have gone before you, including your precious loved one.

The holy Scriptures remind us that God “comes to us in our weakness,” not in our strength (2 Corinthians 12:9). So when you feel overwhelmed, remember: you are not failing the season. Christ is keeping you. His promises, not your emotional stamina, define your hope.

2. Allow the Body of Christ to Hold You When You Can’t Hold Yourself

Grief often isolates. It makes us feel like we are all alone. Loneliness convinces us we are burdens to others. Loss makes us feel unseen. Yet in Holy Baptism, God placed you into a community of faith, not of your choosing, but of His—the Body of Christ, the communion of saints. In this fellowship, no one suffers alone. All God’s people walk in faith together. This is the beauty of God‘s Church.

During the holidays, reaching out may feel difficult. When that happens, let others reach toward you. Allow someone to pray for you, sit with you, or share a quiet moment with you.

The Church is not a gathering of the cheerful; it is a hospital for the wounded.

The Great Physician—our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ—does His work through ordinary people: friends, pastors, and fellow believers who carry one another’s burdens, even when words fail.

Sometimes encouragement is found not in conversation but in presence: sitting in a pew, kneeling at the rail, hearing again that Christ’s body and blood are “given and shed for you.” In these means of grace, Jesus gives Himself fully, even when you feel empty.

3. Make Space for Both Mourning and Hope

The world rushes past sadness. It tells us to suck it up and get over it. However, God does not. Scripture teaches us to lament, to name our sorrows before Him, and to hold them in the light of Christ’s victory. You do not dishonor the holiday season by grieving; you honor Christ, who is the truth. The holidays are not meant to erase what you’ve lost—they simply can’t. But they can draw your sorrow into the story of a Savior whose birth signaled the end of death’s dominion.

Create gentle rhythms that let both mourning and hope breathe. Light a candle for the one you miss. Pray a psalm of lament. Journal your memories. Then, as you are able, intentionally look for signs of Christ’s mercy: a hymn that steadies you, a Scripture verse that surfaces at the right moment, a small kindness that reminds you you’re not alone.

Christian hope is not mere optimism. It is not the insistence that everything is fine. It is the confession that Christ is risen from the dead, and because He is risen, death and despair do not have the final word. Even when your heart is heavy, the Holy Spirit whispers this hope into your grief, sustaining you with a future already secured.

A Final Word of Comfort

Loneliness, grief, and loss during the holidays can feel suffocating, sometimes even impossible to get through. But the promise of Advent and Christmas is precisely for people who sit in darkness: “The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it” (John 1:5). Christ comes to you in the very place where you feel broken, and He does not leave you there alone; He walks with you daily in your brokenness, with all your questions, and anything else that weighs your heart down.

The good news of God is this: Christ Jesus bears your sorrow. He keeps your tears. He holds your life in the palm of his hands, and nothing will be able to separate you from His eternal and benevolent love.

This holiday season, may you remember that your hope is not in having a “perfect Christmas” but in the perfect Savior who entered this world for you, remains with you, and will return to make all things new. Until that day, the Church walks with you, Christ sustains you, and the Holy Spirit comforts you.

You are not forgotten. You are not alone. Christ has come—and in Him, even the heaviest days are held by His grace.